My Meloncholy Blues

I'll preface this post by saying I'm probably going to get smacked by the Wife, at least to the extend she's going to tell me to Suck It Up, or probably, as we used to say back when I was in the Navy, "Wah, my pussy hurts." But I digress.

I had a very busy weekend. Saturday was spent mostly with Maverick. He had a golf lesson in the morning (passed his certification for the next level of lessons!), followed by a Cub Scout pack meeting, followed by 9 holes of golf with Maverick. As part of the his Birdie level certification, he had to play 9 holes. I decided to play with him, though I've never played golf in my life. I was quite comical. The first tee, it took me 8 or 9 swings to actually hit the ball with the club. Maverick had to give me pointers on how to line up on the ball. And he's 9. I managed to shoot an 84 on a par 34 course. As I said, I've never played in my life. It was great being out there with him, but I was tired and I'm still not sold on the game. I'll probably take some lessons to get better so we can go out golfing together, but it will be more for him than me. Anyway, by the time we got home and had dinner, I was done for the day.

Yesterday I woke up not wanting to do anything. Bascially I was not looking forward to the day as there was too much to do. We did the Walk for NAAR in the morning (many thanks to those that contributed, we exceeded our goal!). Then I had a few hours with nothing scheduled, which meant housework, then I had to be at church by 3:30 to rehearse follwed by Mass at 5. Dinner was after Mass, then get the boys ready for bed and get ready for school/work on Monday.

Basically, I woke up yesterday knowing I wasn't going to have a day to relax this past weekend. Normally I do indeed suck it up. But yesterday I woke up not wanting to deal with it. Essentially I was tired of being responsible and just wanted a day for me. Selfish I know, but what can I say. We can all be selfish at times. My mood was mostly crabby yesterday (as the Wife reminded me early that morning). When I told her I wasn't a morning person, she told me to "get over it". A wise woman but sometimes the truth is annoying.

We went to a program called Friday Connect Friday evening (hence the name) and while I didn't get a lot out of it, one thing I did get out of it is the need to let go of our needs/desires in favor of the needs/desires of others, which to me translated to the Wife and kids. I was really working on that Friday night and Saturday. Totally blew it yesterday. Probably the single hardest thing for me to let go of "me" time. We all need some, but it needs to be balanced. I have no idea how well I'm doing with that (Wife?) but I try.

As I said, sometimes the responsibility of raising kids, finances, schedules, church, everything, just overwhelms me and I can't take it any more. Nothing really to do but keep going, but man I just want a break. I try to resist the urge to fall into my favorite release from it all: music (duh). It's way to easy to shut out the outside world and just get lost in my favorite bands and songs. I just don't have that luxury any longer. So in the meantime, I'll just hang in there. I'm pretty sure I should have some time for me before I finally kick off. You know, maybe 15 minutes or so just before my heart stops beating.

Don't expect me
To behave perfectly
And wear that sunny smile
My guess is I'm in for a cloudy and overcast
Don't try and stop me
'Cos I'm heading for that stormy weather soon


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