In a Funky Mood

I've been in a wierd sort of mood lately. It's really hard to describe. I've been avoiding quite lately. That is to say, I've been doing everything I can not to stop and think. I try to keep buys, whether it is just doing something with my hands like playing guitar, getting things done around the house, working on the PC, whatever. What I really don't want to do is take some much needed quite introspection.

I don't know if I've been a little down lately or what. I get in these moods sometimes where the only thing I want to do is crawl into bed, pull the covers over my head, and never get up again. Maybe it's the stress of every day life, you know, responsibilities, kids, mortgage, wife, whatever. I've been reminiscing about the "old days". You know, those times that look much better now that when you actually lived through them. I've been listening to some of the demo work I did with Al's Neighbors and remembering the fun we had. I really don't have the desire to get the band together again, except perhaps just to hang out and maybe jam for an evening.

I seem to have lost my focus. It's like I'm going through the motions and not really going anywhere. Whatever that means. Maybe I just need a break from everything. I don't really know. I know there's things I need to focus on. I've got this group to try to put together for church and music to organize, but I can't get motivated. There are things I should do at home to help the kids, especially my younger one, but I have absolutely no idea how to handle it. Whole different issue there but I'm especially feeling useless when it comes to that. I'm thinking of maybe setting up a blog that only I know about so I can write stuff I don't want anybody I know to see. How come it's easy to tell a perfect stranger about all the fucked up things going on in your life and all of your inner secrets but impossible to say the same things to the people you care about most? Maybe it's because you really don't care about thier opinion anyway.

I should really spend more time praying but I don't know how to do that either. I'm responsible for passing my faith on to my children and there are times when I don't even know what my own is. Like I said, it's tough to explain what I mean.


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