Week of August 28

Tony passed away on Wednesday, September 1.  Since seeing him in the hospital the previous weekend, and especially have seeing him in hospice, I've been a little out of sorts.  Two things have been on my mind of late.  The first is on forgiveness and family.  Talking to family members has brought back some old hurts and reminded me of other unhealed or unhealthy family relations.  I think about how insulted I felt when Vinnie didn't send flowers to my dad's funeral.  Of how my uncle Joe treats my Aunt Irma.  About wanting to make a "statement" at their funerals some day by my actions.

Since recently going to Reconciliation, I'm trying to be more attuned to where I sin in my life.  I didn't realize I was still hanging on to this bitterness.  That I probably should forgive them for how I think they've offended me, regardless of whether they reciprocate.  I also think about the lack of relationship with Kirk.  It's something I don't really think about since it doesn't impact my relationship with my sister or my nephews.  But is there something there?

At Fishers of Men yesterday, we watched a video discussing the line from the Our Father "Forgive us our sins as we forgive those that trespass against us".  Am I truly forgiving others?

I've also begun reading Celebration of Discipline for class.  It's placed me in an odd mood.  I can't put my finger on it, but I feel agitated and a little upset.  Like it's pointing at me showing me all the things I should be doing and am not.  Questioning decisions I'm making as to whether I'm doing things for me or because I'm trying to trust in God.  I keep saying I trust in God and am trying to do His will, but am I really?  Am I just going through the motions?

One thing I did take away from class with Nancy on Thursday is that spirituality is work.  I think I need to work on my spirituality, once I figure out just what it is I'm supposed to do.  Hopefully the class will help me to grow and point me in a direction.


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